I want to begin with one statement about the show Secret Lives of Mormon Wives:
It. Is. Not. About. Mormons.
Say it with me: The women in this show are not Mormons, and it is not about the Mormon religion as much as many in the show claim.
Actions speak louder than words.
What are they? They are women. Women who were hurt. Women who are being hurt—hurt by abusive and narcissistic people. Their actions are just a form of seeking justice against the wrong entity, using a religion as a scapegoat for their personal trauma. All the smiles, pretty teeth, and lovely hair cannot hide the abuse.
And I pity them for it.
How would I know? You could say that I am a Mormon. Though I don’t like using that as a label (a label created to justify the mass executions of innocent people in Missouri in the mid-1800s by claiming they’re “Mormon,” not Christian—but I digress). I’m a Christian who happens to follow Christ’s teachings through a specific organized religion: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, commonly known as LDS by many media outlets.
To put it out there, I am not a lisenced therapist. However, I am passionate in the things I believe and do my best to back it with current and relevant psycological practice. Be my guest and take what I say with a grain of salt. I don't mind.
What does it mean to be a Christian? Or even, to those of my faith, a Mormon Christian? Such a loaded term, with so many meanings behind it. But essentially, all Christians can agree on one thing: we follow Christ’s teachings.
Clearly, this show does not represent any of that.
If you aren’t aware, this show is a reality series that is supposed to represent the “real lives” of these supposedly Mormon women (emphasis on “supposedly”). Using MomTok, they have created a subculture of swinging and casual relationships. Some claim they are still active in the Mormon church (which, if you’re a member, you know that’s not what it’s called), while others say they used to be Mormon but felt so repressed and abused by the Church that they left.
That’s because this show isn’t about Mormons. It’s about a group of women dealing with emotional trauma in a very unhealthy way. It’s true that some people find them entertaining to watch and talk about.
I do not share that sentiment. I see women who are screaming for help, and it is not being addressed through professional and licensed therapists. Using the word ‘Mormon’ on the show is just a label designed to draw in the attention of the masses because of the historical connotations attached to that word.
Allow me to explain. Regions and locations develop their own subcultures—traditions and behaviors that are unique to that locale. Sometimes those traditions and behaviors diffuse into other regions (known as cultural diffusion), but overall, they remain unique to the communities in which people live and foster.
The people in this show wouldn’t know how to be a Christian Mormon outside of Utah or MomTok. That’s because they are not members of the LDS/Mormon church; they’re members of a cultural subclass specific to their families, regions, and/or communities. The LDS/Mormon church is just a pretty scapegoat for their real problems and generational trauma. Please go see a therapist, not a television producer, to seek the help you need.
One of the main arguments I’ve heard from the women on this show, expressed in various ways, is that they were and/or are “oppressed” by the Church because they are women, not men.
No, you are not.
You are oppressed. You are abused. But by very bad people.
Because people are the worst abusers and oppressors.
For example, most of U.S. society and the world views the leadership in the LDS Church as male. Little do they know, both women and men are called as leaders. When a prophet or apostle is called (the leaders in the Church), it is a husband-and-wife unit that is called. It is a dual calling, with responsibilities split between the two. This reflects the equal standing of Adam and Eve (read the original Hebrew of the Bible, and you’ll see that in no way is Adam above Eve). It’s our patriarchal society and media that choose to recognize only the men in this unit and these callings. This is something the Church has fought against for decades. For instance, women in the Church had to give up their right to vote when Utah became a state in 1896; the Church did not impose this. The patriarchal government that took over did not recognize the rights women had in the Church long before the government granted them (go ahead and fact-check it; I dare you).
To be a Mormon Christian means that you do what you can to exemplify the teachings of Jesus. It has nothing to do with “what age do I date?” or “what do I wear to the potluck?” or “do I look good for church meetings?” or “oops, I drank some coffee; I have to act like I’m doing drugs.” No. Being a follower of Christ means showing kindness, compassion, and empathy in a world that wants to reject such things. It means maintaining self-control and exercising mind over matter. It means looking at the bigger picture and showing love and forgiveness.
It’s clear that this show does not exemplify any of these values. Therefore, it does not represent the millions of Mormon Christians who make Jesus a part of their lives. This show represents a mere demographic of women who were clearly abused (emotionally or physically) by other people, not the Church. Don’t use my faith as your scapegoat for bigger problems outside of organized religion.
That is not to say that abuse doesn’t happen within organized religion. There are extremists, splinter groups, and cults that break off from every religion. There are people who use mistranslations and misinterpretations to exercise power over others. But it is essential to recognize that it is people, not an inanimate entity. It is people who commit the worst crimes known to the world. Hate groups are formed by people.
I’m not trying to be too preachy, but as others of my faith and other faiths will know, faith without works is dead. Remember what Christ said in the Bible to the Pharisees? Much of what the women say and do on this show parallels the Pharisees in ancient texts. I can only hope that one day in the future they seek help in the right places, rather than condemning an entire group of people because of their negative experiences.
My usual send-off may not have the appropriote tone for this, but I still wish you all to enjoy life.
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